How to make your wife happy!!

The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed 'Abd Al-Haleem Hamed.

[1] Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

* Begin with a good greeting.

* Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a Sunnah and a Du'aa for her as well.

* Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

[2] Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

* Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.

* Give her attention when you speak of she speaks.

* Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.

* Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweetheart, honey, Saliha, etc.

[3] Friendliness and Recreation

* Spend time talking together.

* Spread to her goods news.

* Remember your good memories together.

[4] Games and Distractions

* Joking around & having a sense of humor.

* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.

* Taking her to watch permissible (Halal) types of entertainment.

* Avoiding prohibited (Haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

[5] Assistance in the Household

* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.

* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.

[6] Consultation (Shurah)

* Specifically in family matters.

* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.

* Studying her opinion carefully.

* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.

* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

[7] Visiting Others

* Choosing well-raised people to build relations with.  There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people.  (Not in wasting time while visiting!)

* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.

* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

[8] Conduct During Travel

* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.

* Ask her to pray for him.

* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.

* Give her enough money for what she might need.

* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.

* Return as soon as possible.

* Bring her a gift!

* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.

* Take her with you if possible.

[9] Financial Support

* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities.  He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).

* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (Hadith).

* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

[10] Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.

* Always being clean and neat.

* Put on perfume for her.

[11] Intercourse

* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)

* Start with "Bism Allah" and the authentic Du'aa.

* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).

* Begin with foreplay including words of love.

* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.

* Relax and joke around afterwards.

* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it Haram

* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hayaa' (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on. 

* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.

* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

[12] Guarding Privacy

* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

[13] Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam Al-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long Sujud and Ruku').

* Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its Tafseer.

* Teach her "Dhaka" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the      prophet) in the morning and evening.

* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.

* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

[14] Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.

* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.

* Give them presents on special occasions.

* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.

* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.

Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the Sunnah      and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

[15] (Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes:

* The basics of Islam

* Her duties and rights

* Reading and writing

* Encouraging her to attend lessons and Halaqahs

* Islamic rules (Ahkam) related to women

* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

[16] Admirable Jealousy

* Ensure she is wearing proper Hijab before leaving house.

* Restrict free mixing with non-Mahram men.

* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:

(1) Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading          her speech by meanings that she did not mean

(2) Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.

(3) Preventing her from answering the phone.

(4) Etc.

[17] Patience and Mildness

* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal.  What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.

* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.

* Forgive the mistakes she does to you  (See item 18).

* How can you best correct her mistakes?

(1) First, implicit and explicit advice several times.

(2) Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).

Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.

(3) The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:

- He should know that Sunnah is to avoid beating, as the Prophet (SAAS) never beat a woman or a servant.

- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.  refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.

- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an.

- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.

- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

[18] Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.

* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.

* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.

* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.

* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food, as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.

* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are subtler than direct accusations

* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.

* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.

* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words. [Muslim Students' Association, University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada, February 1999]

Twenty-Two Tips for Parents

What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?

[1] Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job

This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents’ negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.

[2] Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family
[3] Read the Qur’an, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day
[4] Attend a weekly Halaqah
[5] Respect your teen
[6] Take an interest in what they do
[7] Be aware of problems and address them straightforwardly
[8] “Date” your teenager
[9] Don’t just be your teen’s parent, be his or her partner
[10] Build a Masjid in your home
[11] Don’t practice “men’s Islam”.

That means don’t exclude wives or daughters from prayers. When the men are praying in Jama’ah, make sure the women are either behind them or also praying in congregation. Make sure the Imam recites the prayer loud enough for the women to hear if they are in another part of the house. Also, encourage women to pray in Jama’ah if there are no men present.

[12] Establish an Islamic library and choose a librarian

Equip your home with an Islamic library with books, video and audiocassettes about various aspects of Islam, catering to everyone’s age and interests.

[13] Take them out to Islamic activities
[14] Move to a predominantly Muslim neighborhood in your city
[15] Help teens start their own youth group
[16] Establish a TV-free evening and monitor TV watching in general
[17] Have weekly family meetings

The purpose: to find out what is going on in everyone’s lives and to consult the family on important issues. This is also the place to consult the family and decide on major issues affecting everyone: a move to another city; a marriage of one of the family members; difficulties with a bully in school, etc. Please note: Shurah in the family does not mean a majority vote determines what to do about a situation. While the parents remain in charge, teens and younger children voice opinions and suggestions parents will consider in making a final decision about a matter.

[18] Have “Halal Fun night” once a month
[19] Provide the right role models-What would Abu Bakr have done?
[20] Read books on Positive Parenting
[21] Get them married early
[22] Last but not least-Make Dua


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